We Are Not an Island unto Ourselves

No man is an island entire of itself; 

every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; 

 - John Donne

From pg 18 in the BB.... 

An Illness of this sort -- and we have come to believe it an illness -- involves those about us in a way that no other human sickness can.  If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt.  But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all things worth while in life.  It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer's.  It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents -- anyone can increase the list.

I've been married 4 times and been involved in 2 long term relationships.  I'm not saying that as a badge of honor.  But, more of how when drinking I used up people.  My alcoholism affected every person I had a relationship with that lasted longer then a few minutes.  I wasn't a falling down drunk....except the time I passed out on the bathroom...closer to the toilet.  Lies I told to maintain my drinking the way I wanted to, needed to.  Wasted time dreaming of the ways I was going to get ahead, get even, get rich....get drunk.  sigh.

What happened to me was that I dragged down everyone.  I had become an enigma wrapped in a mystery.   My malaise was palpable.  No one trusted me once they got to know me.  Heck, didn't even trust myself.

So, what's different today?  How did I manage to get out of the malstrom of addiction?

I asked God (Capitol G, Big God) for help in the bunk of a Peterbilt. But, I still wasn't at my bottom.  See, I wasn't quite ready to stop. I had to see that I had hurt another person.  Don't ask me why it was so important that I make things right with my wife.  I mean that I usually just took off.  I had become so tired of "the look".  The loss of emotion in her eyes.

Photo Credit: Oregon State University Archives' photo-stream

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