Scrutinized? Squirt in the eyes?

"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
- Cathy Guisewite

Scrutinized? Squirted in the eye? Screwed up eyes? Square eyes? 

I'll tell you, some days, I've really got to look at my resentments and fears square in the face. You start your work day thinking you'll be home or done in a few hours, and it turns into a two day+ ordeal. That messes with my serenity. A few Deep Breaths,  rants, and a phone call to a friend in the program, can help screw my head back on right.  Then I see someone in a wheelchair, and think to myself. "I bet he'd welcome my problems"...  Sigh. Maybe I didn't need to rant. Maybe once again, I need to be thankful for what I've got.

I've heard in the rooms of AA that if everyone put their problems in pile in the room, we'd all gladly take our own back, after we've looked at everyone else's.

But it does make me want to take a lemon, and forget about making that lemonade, and squirt someone in the eye, for messing with my day.  Learning to let go of some things is hard.  That's why I've got to work my the steps over and over and over...


Today I really need "Progress not perfection"

We're Going to Screw up

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
- Abraham Lincoln

This morning. I screwed up. I caught the screw up before it was too late. I was going to get myself a cup of coffee and feed the cat some food. As you can see the coffee made it into the cat's dish. But I caught myself before her food made it into my coffee cup. 

I screw up all the time. All the time. Sometimes it's funny, and other times, not so much. I hope that I can keep my screw ups on the funny side, and not on the hurtful side.  

Many times I need to make amends, apologies, and move on with the day, and not beat myself up over screwing up. 

Today, I'll enjoy a strong cup of tuna flavored cat food to start my day. 

Time an illusion?

"Time is an illusion."
- Albert Einstein

Einstein Said that "Time is an illusion". But what he was talking about really some Quantum Physics stuff that if dwelt upon to long might get me to blow a mental fuse.  

But lets talk about time, though. We do get busy with our lives. We get caught up in what we're doing, and sometimes we do need to stop and smell the roses.  To much work does make jack a dull boy, and to much fun makes him a sloth. We have to try and find the right balance in our lives to have happy and meaningful lives.  

As an Alcoholic, I'm not always balanced for this.  I mean, we're the people that don't think that to much of a good thing could be bad. To much of a bad thing, to much of a good thing. A Good thing can become a bad thing?  Whoa, the mental circles I can get the committee in my head to talk about when it comes to things like that. 

 Today, I'll try to have a happy and healthy day, that is mindful of moderation. 

Hurting others.

Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.
-Buddhist Quote

Early on when I was first sober I discovered some really weird things about myself. Even sober, I could give a good tongue lashing, in fact I had gotten "better" at it.  I found that I could also get drunk on this anger. This was soon after my pink clouds had disappeared. It really freaked me out. It had never happened to me before. I can only assume that being drunk and numb I never knew that a person could have that happen. And again, I wasn't in control of myself. And I was hurting those close to me. Wow.

I had to take a step back.

I had to take inventory of myself, and make amends.

Whoa. Simple program, but not always simple to do.

Today, I'll try to watch what I say, and if I can't say something good, maybe I shouldn't be saying it?

You have to give it away to keep it.

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt


They say that an alcoholic arranges his life around drinking while the non-alcoholic arranges drinking around his life. How many of us drunks that have hung out in the rooms of AA can relate to that?  I'd think most of us can.

I picked jobs so that I could drink. All throughout my life. One of my first jobs, I was able to grab a gallon of beer out of the keg so I could tie one on when the day was done. I wasn't old enough to purchase beer at the time, but I doubt that even if I was, I would have. Of course, I figured that they owed it to me. Funny how us drunks can reason away being a thief, and still think of ourselves as honest people. 

Today, I don't have to be a thief. Today, I can try to be a more honest man, and do my best not to travel down that "river of denial". 

Involvement with others that are in need, others that are in the program, that gives me joy. 

 Today, I can try to give happiness to those around me. 

Mirror Mirror... I don't like thee

I used to live in a room full of mirrors; all I could see was me. I take my spirit and I crash my mirrors, now the whole world is here for me to see.
Jimi Hendrix

I don't know about you, but I'm always getting stuck inside my head, thinking about me, what I don't have, and who am not. You know, that envy of people, of being someone else, someone who isn't me? 

If you hang out in the rooms of AA, you'll hear about people feeling better after they've helped someone. Done service work.  Members tell other members that when they're feeling horrid in their skin, to do some service work, or more to the point, help someone else. And it works. Why? Because we stop thinking about ourselves. We get out of our head, and our problems and we're thinking about someone else. 

So the next time I have some stinkin' thinkin' I need to remind myself that I can help you, or someone else out. It'll be a Win-Win situation. Imagine that? You help someone else out, and you're helping your self. 

Today, I'll help someone else, because it helps me. WOW. 

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Luck or Attitude?

Remember the two benefits of failure. First, if you do fail, you learn what doesn't work; and second, the failure gives you the opportunity to try a new approach.
- Anne Sullivan

How many times do we, as an alcoholic, or addict, seem to dig ourselves into more trouble? Heck, even sober I seem to do it. Is it luck or attitude? I was just reading an article (online) about such a thing. The author of the article states that we can create our own luck by our own attitude.  He had test subjects count the number of pictures in the paper. Those people that thought of themselves as lucky people noticed the 2" high notice on page two of the paper that said, "Stop Counting, there are 43 pictures in this paper".  And, as you might have guessed it, those that thought themselves unlucky missed that notice, as they were to intent on the pictures to "see" the notice.

This seems to me, to be along the same lines as the Law of Intention and Desire. If we try to hard, and focus, really, really focus on that ONE thing that we think we must have, we must need, and nothing else. We stand a good chance of missing out on a lot of other good stuff in our lives. 

Today, I'll try to keep an open mind, and a positive attitude. 

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