Whoot! It's Winter Solstice!

I really don't know what that means in today's world.   But it apparently held a lot of meaning for humanity long before the invention of the electric light bulb.

I'm still curious about what the ancient peoples thought about their universe, and that perhaps some of the best belief systems such as the Druids might have had more things right, than wrong.

So as I'm web surfing about Solstice,  and take note from a Time Magazine article that the Druids were really interested in the Solstice, and found it quite important. - That gets me to searching about Druids.  Who were these people? It's a funny sounding name to boot.  Druid. sounds like Fluid, but stickier?

So according to http://www.druidry.org/druid-way/druid-beliefs

"One of the most striking characteristics of Druidism is the degree to which it is free of dogma and any fixed set of beliefs or practices."

There's much more to read about it, but it seems to be a pretty loose set of beliefs. And they're not violently trying to convert people to become one of them...   Hmm. I think that the world could use more Druids.  I wouldn't mind them as a neighbor. Not at all.

A Drunk fell into a hole....

...and couldn't get out.

A businessman went by and the drunk called out for help. The businessman threw him some money and told him to buy himself a ladder. But the drunk could not buy a ladder in this hole he was in.

A doctor walked by. The drunk said, "Help! I can't get out!" The doctor gave him some drugs and said, "Take this. It will relieve the pain." The drunk said thanks, but when the pills ran out, he was still in the hole.

A well-known psychiatrist rode by and heard the drunk's cries for help. He stopped and asked, "How did you get there? Were you born there? Did your parents put you there? Tell me about yourself, it will alleviate your sense of loneliness." So the drunk talked with him for an hour, then the psychiatrist had to leave, but he said he'd be back next week. The drunk thanked him, but he was still in the hole.

A priest came by. The drunk called for help. The priest gave him a Bible and said, "I'll say a prayer for you." He got down on his knees and prayed for the drunk, then he left. The drunk was very grateful, he read the Bible, but he was still stuck in the hole.

A recovering drunk happened to be passing by. The drunk cried out, "Hey, help me. I'm stuck in this hole!" Right away the recovering drunk jumped down in the hole with him. The drunk said, "What are you doing? Now we're both stuck here!!" But the recovering drunk said, "Calm down. It's okay. I've been here before. I know how to get out."

-Author Unknown

++++

This little story to me, is what AA is all about.  Someone gave me a helping hand when I desperately needed it. When someone needs one, I MUST, be there to help them. If I don't I stand a good chance of losing my own sobriety.

Helping someone else gets me out of my head, and the issues that rattle around in it, and I'm focused on something better. 

From Sober days and Nights to SoberAgnostic.org

Back to the drawing board?

I've been neglecting this blog for a bit, and thought that maybe I'd give it another whirl with a slight change in direction. One can never be sure where or how our personal journey will progress. Sometimes a little coarse adjustment is order. Rather than only post the "daily thoughts", why not expand on the sober agnostic thought process?

I can say, there's times that I feel like I might be a fraud. - Who am I to say how you should do things?  Who am I to say that your life will get better from this point forward?  In reality, nobody really has that right.  All I can do is share what I'm trying to do, and report on it.  Right?  Why should I assume that someone is actually going to read what I write and they'll do it themselves?  It's become quite clear to me (and I'm not any better than the next person, trust me) that we don't read. I also think that we don't listen.  So why would I expect anyone to read and heed what I write?


With that said. I'm going to try my best to listen others better, and perhaps actually give meditation some more effort. But it's so HARD to meditate, I've got so much else to do.

Knowing when it was time to Quit

"You can't argue with a sick mind."

 - Joe Walsh

It's been said before, and it will be said again. If the alcoholic or addict doesn't think they have an addiction problem, they don't.  All the other problems can be "reasoned away" until the tortured soul becomes honest with himself.

If we can't pay the rent, it's due to not getting enough hours at work or that promotion. 

It can't be because we're cranky and un-reliable! 

If our spouse says we're ignoring them because we're spending to much time drinking or drugging. The spouse is being un-reasonable.  After all, we've "earned the right" to drink after work.

It can't be because we're buzzed every single night!

If our car or house needs repairs, they can wait, because the money is better spent on booze or drugs. 

It can't be due to our lack of planing that things broke!

One of the key turning points for me was seeing people sober, and thinking that they were lucky because they were sober, and going to be sober later on in the day.  

DOH! 

I'm doing this getting drunk thing to myself. OMG, I've got a problem!  I was on my way to becoming honest with myself.  I still argued with the committee* about drinking for about another 6 months, if I recall correctly. But it was right around the 6 month period that I met someone that was in the program and found sobriety. 

And for that. I'm eternally grateful. 

*committee = talking to one's self, or the voices in our heads.

"Crawling in my Skin"

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
                                 -Linkin Park

I think everyone has experienced to some degree Depersonalization disorder, of going through life without really experiencing it. Feeling like an automaton, living life as if we're in a out of body experience.

If you've been an a alcoholic or addict, you might have even been trying to disconnect from the real world to try and cope with the pain and reality of life by using drugs or alcohol.

Sometimes we're not even clear on what it is about life that we don't like, and what we're trying to get away from.  We've got a good job and family, yet we're still disconnected. Other times the cause of the pain is pretty clear.

I can only pray that others that are still crawling in their skin with wounds that will not heal can find a path to a better way.

Those of us in recovery have found a path to relieve our suffering. We're no better then those that are still in pain. But we have found that the support and friendships that we've built through a 12 step program, and/or just seeking our higher power and turning our problems over to him is a better saner way.

Today, If I run across someone that is "crawling in their skin", I can only offer them what I've learned. It's up to them to go from there.

Dreams I'll never See

Just one more morning, I had to wake up with the blues,
Pulled myself outta bed, yeah, put on my walking shoes.
Went up on the mountain to see what I could see,
the whole world was falling right down in front of me.

Cause I'm hung up on dreams I'll never see, yeah baby.
Ahh, help me baby, or this will surely be the end of me, yeah.
- Allman Brothers

The future is unpredictable. We don't know what our lives will like in 10 years time. Think back 10-15 years, and did you think you'd be where you are now?  I certainly didn't think I'd be living where I am, doing what I'm doing, and be Sober.

I've been watching some Ted Talk Video's. In these particular videos Ken Robinson talks about how our education system kills creativity. I think he's right. The education system is setup in industrial cookie cutter fashion to create more professors. We're not all cut out to be professors, are we?  Might it have led to some of the problems as to why many of us felt isolated?  I think so.

One of the nice things about being clean and sober is that we now have the time to pursue some of more creative and worthwhile things in life. We now have the time to be put our creative talents back to work, and to start pursuing forgotten dreams that we might have left behind in a bottle.

We don't have to let our dreams be the end of us.

Alpha Male With the Breath of a Dragon

Un-employment sucks. Especially when you lost your identity of who you are with what you used to do.

I recall there was a job interview (years ago) that I went to, that had me so stressed out that I couldn't settle my nerves. I was obsessing on the unpaid mortgage, the bills, the fact that I so DESPERATELY needed this job, not just for the money, but to help get my identity back. 

I needed to be a MAN, THE MAN, the Bread Winner, the alpha male that could bring home the catch of the day, and plop it down in front of his wife, to be praised by said wife of what a fine job I had done hunting down this wondrous meal for the whole tribe. We would sing and dance around the campfire of our kitchen stove and I would shine as the crowned king of the household. Oh it would be glorious! 

But I drank. It didn't matter that I had gone to a similar interview with the same questions, a couple months past. It didn't matter, that I answered all of the questions, and did the hands on tests with flying colors. That didn't matter. They didn't want me. 

I had drank until the wee hours of the morning, obsessing over the job. I was hung over, had the breath of a dragon with the vacant blood shot eyes of a vampire. I was unhireable. 

Thankfully I'm sober today. It took years of self depreciation to figure out that I was my biggest problem. I still am. But I've learned how to like and be honest with myself. I have become more comfortable in my own skin. I'm far from perfect. But with the help of my friends in AA, and seeking a higher power, I have found a better path to travel.