You ever get to a point in your sobriety where you feel like the house in the picture above?
The great blast of the storm Alcoholism is roaring in your head. You know what you used to do to quiet the howling in your brain. The answer was always in the bottle. And, yet....it quit working and the obsession did not quit. It was not working anymore.
See, I never really drank for fun. It was always for effect....stop the howling winds of my mind.
I had become like a tornado in my life and others' lives too. I would blow into a person's life and then roar right back out. Leaving wreckage that I had created and wouldn't own.
If you're looking for some serenity, some purpose in life and some joy try those Steps.
I'm not gonna tell you that you have to believe in a Higher Power. But, for me my belief is concrete and real. I'm beginning to feel those howling winds quieting down a bit.
But, they ramp up when I forget that it was I that asked God for help in the back of my bunk.
Even in sobriety I can be just as destructive as any active drunk on peoples' lives. That's what the Steps of AA are for me. I need a way of Life that is constructive and that as been AA's Steps.
God heard me and while he was in and of the storm, he heard and I reached for him.
Sober and quiet is like the clear air after a passing storm.
Love y'all
There is hope.
- But for every man who drinks, others are involved... pg 104 Alcoholics Anonymous
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There are days I don't know if there's a difference between my alcoholism and that tornado. I suppose there is: I think everyone knows tornadoes, even non alcoholics: what makes me alcoholic is the bizarre belief and action that sought quiet through booze.
ReplyDeleteNormal people don't do that.
One of the gifts of my sobriety has been the slowing of that storm to a breeze. First in life, in action: I became a person who was constructive, rather than destructive.
The mind and heart follow.
Thanks Karin!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard some days for me to admit to all of the wreckage that I've created. While I was a drunk I used to think that I was a good person, that things just happened, it was JUST BAD LUCK, or some other excuse that left ME out of the equation.
Thanks RandyNose and Karin:
ReplyDeleteIf it really was only about putting down the drink I don't think I'd gotten this far. I had to change fundamentally and had no clue how to do that. The 12 Steps and The Fellowship are showing me how to live Life ODAAT (One Day At A Time)